Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
