Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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