I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
