my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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