fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
