She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
