Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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