she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
