So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
