She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
