Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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