so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
