There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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