rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
