I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
