they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
