Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
