3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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