i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The air was thick with penises
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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