We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
