He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
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he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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