she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
