dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
