I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
