butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
kristin has been a bad kristin
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
