a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
