i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
