I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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