I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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