I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
