Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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