I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
