Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
