it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
