I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
