I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize