Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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