You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
