before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
