I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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