Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
