I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
