I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
