My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
