the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
