you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
