yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
