so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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