now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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