Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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