U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
