I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
