I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You made out with two different species that night
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
