She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
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i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
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I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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