i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
