i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
