wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
