he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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