Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Terrible idea I love it
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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