i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
