I murdered the dance floor call the cops
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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