my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
