I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
