wrigley field is MILF paradise
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
