I've blown a few things in my day
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
