1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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