He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
