On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
