he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
