I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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