Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
