If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
